Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Specializing in Relationships

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Self Help Tips:
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1. Not everyone will like you. In fact, some will go out of their way to hurt or ignore you. Practice the mantra: "I do not care what other people think. I care about what I do and how I feel about myself. I will surround myself with people who are honest, kind, and open."

2. Surround yourself with positive, accepting, kind, productive people. Our gifts, talents, spirit and purpose get lost when we spin our wheels trying to meet irrational demands of dysfunctional people. Refuse to stay in oppressive environments. Stand up for yourself, your spirit, your goals. Giving the best parts of ourselves to deserving, reciprocating people feeds creativity and productivity, nourishes our spirit, making us our best selves. Our purpose in life will only be realized when we break free from negative people, places and things.

3. Embrace the true you!! There's nothing wrong with the true you.  There is often a lot wrong with the people who tease and criticize you.  You no longer have to tolerate bullying or ostracization.  You are an adult and in charge of where you go, who you surround yourself with, where you work, who you date, and how you feed your spirit. There is no place for teasing or bullying as an adult.  Be assertive with critics and bullies.  Spend your time developing your gifts which will invariably outshine the sad, negative bullies and critics.  

​4. Standing up for your PSYCHOLOGICAL BOUNDARIES is very important.  To help you do this, always remember your rights: 

* You have a right to your own opinions, beliefs and values.  
* You have the right to change a decision without shame or guilt. 
* Your thoughts are valid and are based upon what you personally experience. It is okay to be wrong or to misunderstand. You can ask for more information to gain clarity without ridicule.  
* You have the right to voice your opinions without fear. 
* You can make your own choices.
* You can pursue your own goals.
* You can end relationships.
* You can be whoever and whatever you want to be.
* You define who you are.
* You gain your personal power when you stand up for yourself and ask for what you need. Use your voice. It doesn't matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert, your thoughts deserve to be heard and matter as much as anyone else's.

5. Just because you slip on on your goals, commitments, and plans, does not mean that you must stop them.  Get back on track at any time.  Be accountable to yourself for your journey.  Pause and redirect when you need to, but do not stop.

6. When you begin thinking negatively, write down negative thoughts and counter them with positive alternatives. Imagine that you are talking to a friend, and treat yourself to the empowered advice you would give to someone you care about.

7. It does not matter how old you are, or how many mistakes you have made.  It is never to late to do the right thing, and it is always the right thing to keep out of your life people who exaggerate & dwell upon your mistakes.  

8. Be kind to yourself. Plan time daily for exercise & joyful activities, even for just 15 minutes.

9. Just because someone is louder on social media, or in social circles, does not make them correct.  People who believe loud, judgmental statements without critically thinking are subject to brainwashing and manipulation.  Always question the truth and motives behind loudest among us. 

10. If someone whispers and gossips about others to you, chances are that they are not trustworthy.  Be very careful with whom you chose to share concerns.  We all need confidants, close, trustworthy people who hear us and give logical feedback without using it against us.  That is different.  Sometimes we think someone is trustworthy, only to find that they have abused our trust.  This is not gossip, this is our own misjudgment of another's character.  Refuse to engage in gossip.  If you have a concern with someone, approach them directly and clarify information instead of disseminating rumors.  However, don't expect an untrustworthy person to change just because you have confronted them.  In fact, this often just fuels further rumors and gossip.  

11. You are entitled to have a "bad day" or a "bad moment" once in a while.  If someone shames you for this and constantly brings up your "bad behavior" and completely degrades your character based upon this one day or moment, chances are that you are being scapegoated and "villainized" by this person. Do not judge yourself or be hard on yourself for these days or moments. Apologize to the offended parties and move on.  No one has the right to constantly remind you of these moments, especially when you acknowledged a mistake and are working on being a good person.  We are all human, and all have moments.  Stay away from people who define you (and repeat liberally to others) these few moments.  

12. Give Yoga a try!! It literally does not hurt and does a world of good to relieve stress and anxiety.  It's one hour guaranteed to be social-media free, something we all need more of.

13.  If you have a "gut feeling" that someone is cheating on you, untrustworthy, or manipulating you, you are probably correct.  If you have a history of being in abusive or manipulative relationships, you are more susceptible to friendships/romantic liaisons with these sorts of people, who will tend to call you paranoid, crazy, etc..  for asking them to explain inconsistencies.  If you are a kind hearted person, or a people pleaser, you are also at greater risk of tolerating nonsense. Get support to gain insight and awareness about your part in attracting these sort of personalities to your life and learn ways to confront manipulation and leave these relationships.  This goes for friends and family as well as lovers.